Probably one of the hardest things for a family is to see an older loved one deteriorate in health or mental capacity. Nevertheless, when one is just this side of even thinking of themselves as elderly, it is a big question about how one would want to spend those last “golden years”. A younger person never gives it a thought. Maybe we should.
How does one prepare? My husband and I decided we would look at finances; get an insurance plan in case we needed to have extra assistance, and we’re taking a doctor’s advise. The advise was to live every moment one can…prepare a “bucket list”, so to speak, because it is more than likely the hips or legs will eventually give out…and we will not be physically able to do those things. Take a trip to places not seen; work on woodworking; become the best one can at an interest. In my case, it is writing, photography, and music.
Did I say music? Of course, I have always loved listening to the great composers, as can be seen on this blog site, but actually make music by myself?! Well, why not? When I was a child, I went to a private boarding school far from home. It was a lonely experience, but the one thing I had there was Mrs. Tollison, my piano teacher. Funny that I can still remember a person who has probably been dead fifty years! I learned the basics and even did a recital, but when I went home to my single parent mother, she could not afford a piano…and could not get one up the steps to our apartment even if she could pay for one. That was goodbye to learning how to play, so I turned to art lessons instead.
A few years ago, I sat down at the keyboard and found out that some of what I had learned at age 10 was still there. Then just this Valentine’s Day, my dear husband, who had seen me watch Beethoven’s life ( Dearly Beloved, the movie) over and over, surprised me with a piano. How blessed can one be to have such a husband?
All this leads me to the first topic…what about those last remaining years of life? I have included a video below that is at first glance appalling…even though I do not know all the circumstances. It does, however, beg the question….Why are the elderly often treated like children?
My mother, who passed away this year at age 93, read four or five books a week. Her mind was alert to the very end and she did have help with meals and the love of her family and friends, but I fought tirelessly to see that she kept her dignity until her last day on earth. She would have had it no other way. She refused medications that put her to sleep and even told the nurses , “I’m not taking that tiny one” when they brought them anyway. Dignity and alertness was important to her. She had a right to her own decision making.
Sometimes people wonder why the elderly get crankie or hard to live with. It may be medications…or it may be the loss of what was rightfully theirs all their lives…freedom to make decisions on their own. It is becoming clear that more and more society has its expectations. Even government wants to tell us what to eat, drink, and much more. Individual freedom may be at risk.
Sometimes we, as family members need to take a deep breath and sit down. We may need to say to this person getting up in years, “What do you really want? If we have someone come in to help out once in a while, will this be what you want..and need? ” There may be the tendency to want to take control without asking the hard questions. Most of us know when a person is able to function…even if the memory is a little diminished. If you have been a son or daughter who has not spent time in building a relationship, do you really have a right to tell a person what they should do or not do if they are in a relatively good state of mind? My advise would be to carefully consider how you are treating the ones in you life that will soon get to the last stages of theirs.
You view the video below and tell me what you think in “Make a comment”. I would be interested in the opinions from around the world:
- What does your culture say about the elderly?
- What is your “bucket list”? For those who maybe have not seen the movie with the same title, it is about two men who decide to do everything they wanted to do before they died. That is a “bucket list”.
- One thing we know is fact. We will die. Nobody wants to think about it…but we should. Not morbidly, of course, but if we can…..we want that moment to be with dignity.
Click on the video link below. (Turn on sound and forgive the commercial with this video. All these clips seem to have them…if we use them.)
Side-note: After viewing this, one may want to be careful about who we sign over our property to or what we put in our wills. )
It’s those unusual times like 9-11 when airplanes were told to land immediately and the in-coming international flights were sent to Canada or the nearest place possible. One rarely thinks that an emergency situation can change everything and those in charge of our lives must have their wits about them!
I read this account about the air traffic coming into Tokyo when the earthquake hit. What would it be like if the airport is closed or other airports are full….with fuel at a premium?
I thought it would be good to appreciate these people who do not quite get the same acclaim as Captain Chesley B. Sullenberger on the Hudson River. However, quick decision making and perhaps a little creative thinking is a must! Here is one pilot’s first-hand account:
It’s 8am. This is my inaugural trans-pacific trip as a brand new, recently
checked out, international 767 Captain and it has been interesting, to say the
least, so far. I’ve crossed the Atlantic three times so far so the ocean
crossing procedures were familiar.
By the way, stunning scenery flying over the Aleutian Islands. Everything was
going fine until 100 miles out from Tokyo and in the descent for arrival. The
first indication of any trouble was that Japan air traffic control started
putting everyone into holding patterns. At first we thought it was usual
congestion on arrival. Then we got a company data link message advising about
the earthquake, followed by another stating Narita airport was temporarily
closed for inspection and expected to open shortly (the company is always so
From our perspective things were obviously looking a little different. The
Japanese controller’s anxiety level seemed quite high and he said expect
“indefinite” holding time. No one would commit to a time frame on that so I got
my copilot and relief pilot busy looking at divert stations and our fuel
situation, which, after an ocean crossing is typically low.
It wasn’t long, maybe ten minutes, before the first pilots started requesting
diversions to other airports. Air Canada, American, United, etc. all reporting
minimal fuel situations. I still had enough fuel for 1.5 to 2.0 hours of
holding. Needless to say, the diverts started complicating the situation.
Japan air traffic control then announced Narita was closed indefinitely due to
damage. Planes immediately started requesting arrivals into Haneada, near Tokyo,
a half dozen JAL and western planes got clearance in that direction but then ATC
announced Haenada had just closed. Uh oh! Now instead of just holding, we all
had to start looking at more distant alternatives like Osaka, or Nagoya.
One bad thing about a large airliner is that you can’t just be-pop into any
little airport. We generally need lots of runway. With more planes piling in
from both east and west, all needing a place to land and several now fuel
critical ATC was getting over-whelmed. In the scramble, and without waiting for
my fuel to get critical, I got my flight a clearance to head for Nagoya, fuel
situation still okay. So far so good. A few minutes into heading that way, I was
“ordered” by ATC to reverse course. Nagoya was saturated with traffic and unable
to handle more planes (read- airport full). Ditto for Osaka.
With that statement, my situation went instantly from fuel okay, to fuel minimal
considering we might have to divert a much farther distance. Multiply my
situation by a dozen other aircraft all in the same boat, all making demands
requests and threats to ATC for clearances somewhere. Air Canada and then
someone else went to “emergency” fuel situation. Planes started to heading for
air force bases. The nearest to Tokyo was Yokoda AFB. I threw my hat in the ring
for that initially. The answer – Yokoda closed! no more space.
By now it was a three ring circus in the cockpit, my copilot on the radios, me
flying and making decisions and the relief copilot buried in the air charts
trying to figure out where to go that was within range while data link messages
were flying back and forth between us and company dispatch in Atlanta. I picked
Misawa AFB at the north end of Honshu island. We could get there with minimal
fuel remaining. ATC was happy to get rid of us so we cleared out of the
maelstrom of the Tokyo region. We heard ATC try to send planes toward Sendai, a
small regional airport on the coast which was later the one I think that got
flooded by a tsunami.
Atlanta dispatch then sent us a message asking if we could continue to Chitose
airport on the Island of Hokkaido, north of Honshu. Other Delta planes were
heading that way More scrambling in the cockpit – check weather, check charts,
check fuel, okay. We could still make it and not be going into a fuel critical
situation … if we had no other fuel delays. As we approached Misawa we got
clearance to continue to Chitose. Critical decision thought process. Let’s see –
trying to help company – plane overflies perfectly good divert airport for one
farther away…wonder how that will look in the safety report, if anything goes
Suddenly ATC comes up and gives us a vector to a fix well short of Chitose and
tells us to standby for holding instructions. Nightmare realized. Situation
rapidly deteriorating. After initially holding near Tokyo, starting a divert to
Nagoya, reversing course back to Tokyo then to re-diverting north toward Misawa,
all that happy fuel reserve that I had was vaporizing fast My subsequent
conversation, paraphrased of course…., went something like this:
“Sapparo Control – Delta XX requesting immediate clearance direct to Chitose,
minimum fuel, unable hold.”
“Negative Ghost-Rider, the Pattern is full” <<< top gun quote <<<
“Sapparo Control – make that – Delta XX declaring emergency, low fuel,
proceeding direct Chitose”
“Roger Delta XX, understood, you are cleared direct to Chitose, contact Chitose
Enough was enough, I had decided to preempt actually running critically low on
fuel while in another indefinite holding pattern, especially after bypassing
Misawa, and played my last ace…declaring an emergency. The problem with that
is now I have a bit of company paperwork to do but what the heck.
As it was – landed Chitose, safe, with at least 30 minutes of fuel remaining
before reaching a “true” fuel emergency situation. That’s always a good feeling,
being safe. They taxied us off to some remote parking area where we shut down
and watched a half dozen or more other airplanes come streaming in In the end,
Delta had two 747s, my 767 and another 767 and a 777 all on the ramp at Chitose.
We saw two American airlines planes, a United and two Air Canada as well. Not to
mention several extra Al Nippon and Japan Air Lines planes.
Post-script – 9 hours later, Japan air lines finally got around to getting a
boarding ladder to the plane where we were able to get off and clear customs. –
that however, is another interesting story…”