This writing does not propose to have the answers to that problem or hurt that you have …whether emotional, mental or physical…. that may be planting the thoughts of suicide in your mind. My life has been given to Christ, with its ups and downs…disappointments and joys…but I know that not all have found this rest.
I write because I am led to write. Who knows why I awake at 3:00 am and know that for some reason I need to write about this subject. It is the last thing that I would want to tackle. Nevertheless, I write today, not as a counselor or a psychiatrist, but as a person who cares.
Someone will read this who needs to know that their particular pain has an answer. The answer is not in suicide. The answer may be as close to you as your breath. If one simply gives up…they will never know what would have or could have been. One does not know what is around the corner. You must live to find out.
There are two stories that I know of that may help: A man had decided he did not want to go on. He went up stairs and looked out the window. Across the top of the houses was a steeple of a church. It was that cross rising high into the sky that made him stop and truly think about what he was thinking of doing. A simple thing….but it was his turning moment.
Another man felt that he had lost everything. His wife was leaving him and taking his life flashed across his mind. The thing that made him stop was the thought of what would his death do to his son. He had not actually lost everything for he had his son.
When things seem the darkest….when you just want to go to sleep forever….forget the word “forever” and just go to sleep. Rest the mind….rest the heart….and after the rest, look for a new beginning. Focus on the little things that matter and reach for something bigger than you have known.
Simply ask for God to give you that one ounce of strength that you do not think you have. Psalm 139:8 “If I go up to heaven, you are there. If I make my bed in hell, you are there.” No matter what we do, we will face God. This may be a terrible thought…but one worth thinking.
I am not going to “preach” to you, but here are THOUGHTS TO CONSIDER:
(Nehemiah 8:10 )Then he said to them, “Go your way. Eat the fat and drink sweet wine and send portions to anyone who has nothing ready, for this day is holy to our Lord. And do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”
This verse did not say “your joy” for you may not feel any joy at all. It said, “…the joy of the Lord” which will be your strength in anything that is in your life too difficult to handle.
Colossians 1:11-14 May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
My suggestion would be to go to a quiet place…maybe the shower….or another spot…and call to God to help you to know that you are loved by Him. Ask Him for peace. Ask Him for grace and forgiveness. Ask Him to give you the strength you need. He will hear you….and then rest. Harming yourself is not the answer. Giving up is not the answer. It never will be.